Bed and Breakfast at Magic Conventions A Survival Guide
Bed and Breakfast goes hand in hand with magic conventions like hangovers and lack of sleep. It’s important to understand you are looking for cheap, clean and a massive breakfast and a quality shower to keep yourself going during the long days.
However there some simple tips to make sure you have a pleasant stay:
If you’re sharing rooms make sure there are no secret snorers, if one does emerge then sort them out early on or use the heads off illusion and move there head to the boot of the car. Not forgetting to replace head before the next days activities or they will keep bumping into things.
If you do decide to show the landlady a trick be prepared for her to set up a little shrine and watch out for her collecting little mementos of your stay, like you hair, fingernails or underwear. They don’t get out much and any form of entertainment is always taken to extreme, she may even like to see her card appear on the top of the deck for the 98 th time.
Most places treat you like the family, be prepared for small little requests like taking mother to the bingo, marrying the oldest daughter, or taking and treating there first born as your own.
To the landlady you’re the best magician she has ever seen (as you can bet she hasn’t seen many), don’t allow this to go to your head and expect long conversations at breakfast about That bloke of TV that does tricks and stuff.
There is nearly always a tea and coffee making facility, normally consisting of a death trap kettle that can only be filled up by standing in the shower as the sink is so small it’s more a finger bowl than a hand bowl. If it’s a posh place then a real cup and metal tea spoon (note you’re paying too much if the place does not have paper cups and plastic spoons). Of course the spoon (if metal) should be left in a bent state or just do the whole routine and snap off the end all together.
The en-suite is always an illusion, the size being smaller than any magicians assistance could ever dream of fitting into. There designed to cut down on time as you can normally shower, shave and go to the toilet all at the same time, of course the toilet roll will be drenched on the first day.
The extractor fan in most rooms is normally taken from a jet engine and will wake up the whole street, you make the choice of letting the smell ferment till the morning or waking everyone up.
The TV is tuned to local stations no one watches, and will only have 3 channels (if your lucky) they tend to be bolted on the wall and held up by magicians wax.
The wall paper is made up of the optical illusions that only one 10th of the world can see and make sense of, the rest of us just feeling nausea, (this feeling could also be brought on by the ten pints of Stella you had the night before followed by a greasy fry up).
Of course the room is only a place to store your purchases before you can take them home to place in storage until the next magic club auction and a place for you to get a few hours restless sleep before the next day at the convention. Whilst you are away its home, sweet home and if you sleep rough normally then it will appear especially homely.
If you have recently stayed at a hotel, guesthouse or B&B at a magic convention why dont you review it in the Hotel Review area?
About the author…Darren James is famous in his own head and even funnier than anyone else thinks, well he laughs at his own jokes, even if no one else does. www.closeupillusions.co.uk